There are so many things that people don’t tell you about marriage as you prepare for your wedding. In short, many times, the focus is more on your wedding plans than your marriage plans, which is not how it should be.
As we prepared for our wedding, our counselor, mentor, and well-meaning friends, advised us to prioritize our marriage plans: things that will happen after the wedding like where we will live, where we will go for our honeymoon, the money we would spend, etc., and we are so glad we did this.
So, this is me paying it forward.
Note: If you just stumbled on my blog, you should read the prequel to this post, where I share 10 things we were never told about getting married.
Based on my experience, together with my husband, here are some lessons we’ve learned from preparing for our marriage and some from our marital journey so far that may be helpful for you as you prepare for or reminisce on your wedding.
1. Don’t plan too many courses/events/jobs around your major event day. Space your tasks and assignments and include time to rest in your plans ahead of any big day you have. I had to cancel/recommend others for most of my speaking engagements in March and I still haven’t finished my Immerse Inner Circle coaching courses (nobody should show this to DDK please).
2. Get all the help you can: You know I initially mentioned that we were planning our wedding ourselves, that was at the start of our planning. As our wedding drew closer, we realized the need to ask for more help and we had a great community who were more than willing to help and we are just so grateful for them. A big shout-out to Beatrice and Emmanuel who became our wedding planners and coordinators and took away that stress from me. And to our community of friends (my bridal shower girls, TheEMStory planning WhatsApp group, my GL Ladies, and all our friends who called, gave, supported, and showed up), we are so grateful.
A similar point to this is that you should delegate as much as you can.
3. Invest in a wedding counselor: We were blessed with amazing and practical marriage counselors, and our sessions with them have aided us as planned for the type of marriage we want. I recommend anyone considering marriage to make plans to invest in good counselors and also read books together with your spouse as you prepare. You can study devotional materials together, YouVersion is great for this.
4. Invest in your home: this would include:
a. Investing in a high-quality mattress. After doing our research, we got a semi-orthopedic mattress and it’s been great. You should also do your research to see what mattress would be best for you and your spouse.
b. Investing in your kitchen. The right appliances can increase your ginger to cook and put together yummy meals for your family. I recommend getting a set of quality non-stick, non-PFOA pots and of course, a freezer and a good gas cooker too.
c. You don’t have to buy only new house items. There are truly many treasures on the streets of IG, I stumbled on declutter pages as we prepared for our wedding and I’m glad I did (well except for the one time I lost over 100K to a scammer). I got several things through them at ridiculous prices – an exquisite table, a ridiculously cheap shoe rack, wait, even our bedframe was from a declutter page. You can also get beautiful and unique kitchen items from certain Instagram vendors.
Disclaimer: ensure to do due diligence before making purchases from an IG vendor.
5. A wedding wishlist is a great idea. List the key things you need, want to be gifted, and may even want to buy yourself. You can use digital platforms like wedding registries or wishlist sites to share with your loved ones, it will go a long way in guiding what they gift you. And even if you get these things yourself, you just need to tick it as reserved so that someone else doesn’t get the same item for you again.
6. Ensure to collect your own portion of meat and soup from the wedding, so that you don’t eat biscuits like some people after their wedding. LOL. To be honest, the meat and stew my mum kept for us served us for more than one month after our wedding. It really just eases you of the stress of cooking when you get back from your wedding/honeymoon.
7. You don’t have to open a YouTube channel or IG page immediately. There is a subtle pressure for many couples to open a dedicated wedding YouTube Channel or Instagram page as they prepare for their wedding, I’ll just say, don’t feel pressured to do that immediately. You can choose to do it later if you don’t have the capacity to do it now, or you may not even need to do it if it is not your thing.Don't feel pressured to open a YouTube channel immediately after your wedding. Click To Tweet
8. For one-day weddings, know what matters to you most and focus on those. Food may not be your top priority. Cherish the memories, ask people to document the day on your behalf, and send the pictures and videos either to you or a cloud pool. Also, if you love beautiful pictures, I’ll advise that you take your pictures ahead of your wedding day, cos you won’t have time to take all the pictures you want to that day.
9. Use quality vendors, especially in the areas that are most important to you. I’m so glad I invested in a superb photographer, Cutest Photography, our pictures speak for themselves. I was not so much bothered about food and let my parents handle the coordination of that effort. My fashion designer was also important and Fastailors came thru for me, for both my trad and church dresses, even with the much stress I put her through.
10. No matter how expensive your wedding planning and home furnishing are, make plans for your honeymoon and post-wedding spending. Set some money aside for you guys to spend after o.
11. When God speaks, trust Him absolutely. Even when it doesn’t look like it. Trust God to come through on the words He has spoken to you as you plan your wedding and marriage.
Fun fact: I really started writing this blog post and the last one with the goal to share how I’ve not fully returned to my executing, goal-smashing self after my wedding, and how I recently learned that I don’t have to rush myself but ensure that I enjoy the life transition, but look at me writing and sharing about my experiences even breaking them into two blog posts.
To be fair, even though I be beating myself up about not fully getting back into all the things I used to do, I’ve listened to more podcasts, taken a professional course, organized an intimate worship session and I’m getting work done. So, I guess, I’m not doing so badly.
I’m learning that life is in stages and I’ll enjoy this season and steward it appropriately by God’s grace. Amen.Life is in stages and I’ll enjoy this season and steward it appropriately by God’s grace Click To Tweet
I’ll take my flowers and be grateful for my marriage not beating myself up over the many other things I haven’t gotten back to. I guess we don’t really lose all that energy and passion, it’s probably just hibernating and waiting for the right moment to re-emerge. I can’t wait to get back into podcasting and managing the other communities that I lead.
My husband and I are blessed with an amazing community and are still receiving gifts even over a month after our wedding and we couldn’t be more grateful.
Honestly, marriage is sweet when you are with the right person, and it is sweeter if you guys choose to be friends and navigate the new experiences, even fights, and changes together.
Thank you for reading through and staying till now. How are you and how has life been treating you?
Did you find this post helpful in any way? Tell me, what resonated with you most?
Love and Light Always,
Focus! Take pictures before the wedding if you can. Smile no matter the pressure. You would only have pictures and videos after. No go spoil your memory with frowning face o.
Invest in QUALITY VENDORS. I did this and I have no regret.
Then pick a colour that suits you and your partner. Let people help you cause planning your wedding yourself can be overwhelming
everything she said!!! Thank you for adding this points, Bukola.
I started reading this blogpost with a blank stare on my face, mentally taking in the nuggets shared. Towards the end of the post though, my face broke into a smile relishing the joy, wonder, bliss, love and happiness clearly evident in the pictures and the stories you shared as well.
I’m blushing again????
Love love it.
God bless your marriage with deeper intimacy, love, friendship, and ever sizzling romance in Jesus name☺️
Thank you so much for sharingggg this joyful read.
Hehehe, my takingnotes.com fam, it was a delight reading your comment. Amen and thank you for your kind wishes.
I enjoy reading your story all the time. I’ll bank the lessons and use them as they apply to me when preparing for my big day????
But right here is a lesson about enjoying each season and stewarding them appropriately. Be grateful for what you have and what you can do now. Don’t feel pressured.
This is reassuring.
Indeed, so aptly put, Omoowunmi. We can also apply this to our current season. God bless you and looking forward to celebrate with you soon.
Thank you for sharing Esther. The Lord continually bless your marriage.
Amen, thanks my guy!!!
Thank you for the post
Have learned and unlearn
Truthfully I think a lot of focus goes to the wedding and not marriage
Thank you so much
Lemme be looking for who to mentor me bayi
hehehe, indeed the marriage preparation is even ore important than wedding prep. Cheers!
Immediately I sighted this on Instagram, ran here to come and read. It was indeed worth reading.
Thank you for the post, a lot learn.
Marriage should indeed be the focus.
About having a marriage counsellor, a lot still don’t know how important this is to their preparation.
Note taken already. Thank you so much
Thank you for coming to read and leaving a comment. God bless you, Blessing.
“I guess we don’t really lose all that energy and passion, it’s probably just hibernating and waiting for the right moment to re-emerge”.
There has to be something about transitions and hibernations. This resonated a lot with me.
Congrats Esther! God bless your home!