The Esthitude Place

 Planning a wedding is not beans* especially when you are planning it yourself and you still have other things like your jobs and ministries to run.

But hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, let’s start with a major life update, as this blog title already suggests.

Yaayyyy, your fave girl is MARRIIEEDDDD!!! (Inserts dancing emoji).

Awwwnnn, thank you for your kind wishes, you are so sweeetttt.☺️☺️☺️

Getting married is something I had desired, prayed for, and prepared for, and I’m so glad it happened in God’s own time.

I’m grateful, blessed, and happy to be married to an amazing, kind, and smart man.
However, there are several things we didn’t ‘knew’ or fully expect pre, during, and post-wedding, and I’m here to share them with you so that you can note of them as you prepare or plan for your big day. And if you are married, you can get some popcorn to share with your partner as you read and reminisce on your wedding memories.

I’m hoping to share them with you just as it is in my heart. Shall we dig in?

First ehn, they never told us that:

1. Getting a PA or VA may not necessarily solve all your time management problems. Now, this is not necessarily a marriage-specific issue, but as I was planning for my marriage, I hired a Virtual Assistant to help me coordinate the many other tasks that I usually handle. But fam, no one ever said that to hire a VA, you also need time and the ability to fully document what you need them to do. #sigh. I eventually had to take a pause with that, cos it wasn’t as effective for me as I thought it would be.

2. Planning for a wedding and getting a new home at the same time (paying rent, furnishing the home, and all the other works) is highly money intensive, especially when you are funding them yourself. Our budget literally doubled (almost), but God came through for us sha. So, plan accordingly using this info.

3. A low-key wedding without a strictly-by-invite rule can never be a fully low-key wedding. We planned for a small wedding with a family-only traditional wedding and an open church wedding, but my-oh-my, we definitely got more than we expected both at the trad, church, and private friends’ hangout. So, if you really want a fixed amount of people at your wedding, issue invite cards to your guests that would be used to admit them at the event, of course, you’ll need bouncers for the remaining people or you can have a canopy outside for them sha with a projector so that they don’t miss out (pick your struggle).

4. A weekday wedding may not streamline your wedding audience. As God would have it, our wedding took place on a Friday, and we thought it would streamline our audience as many people would go to work. But nah, our Faith Church tribe wouldn’t have it; they turned up fully, and it turned out to be a fun and happy wedding.

5. You cannot predict your wedding audience. Similar to the previous point, but on a more elaborate note. Even with the short notice of less than a month that we informed some of our folks, colleagues, and families about our wedding, the turnout was massive.

We couldn’t even greet or see everyone who came because of the number of people who showed up including those we didn’t think could make it. We are grateful though, cos it showed how much loved and respected we were to our people.

Suggested Read: A Lover’s Call

6. One-day weddings are rushed and stressful, you may not fully experience the day. You may not have pictures with your loved ones. I knew that a one-day wedding would be rushed, but it did not prepare me for the reality of this.

We had our traditional wedding and church wedding on the same day and even after rushing the Alagas** during the trad ceremony and the crazy drive back to the hotel to change into our white outfits, and then back to church, we still got to the church slightly late. When it was time for pictures, we couldn’t even take pictures with everyone who came for our wedding, not even with my family members.

7. Reception is not a must. This is one ‘freeing’ thought you need to embrace, especially if you are planning to host a reception just because it is expected. And if you must hold a reception, I recommend you infuse you and your partner’s personality and vibe into it, so that it is personalized and more memorable for you.

8. Your life will change. Some weeks after my wedding, I began to feel like I haven’t fully been my goal-smashing self, and it affected my thoughts; I’m getting over this now sha, lirrru by lirru. Another thing that changed partially is my sleeping/waking habit, I guess this happens when you marry someone with a different sleeping/waking pattern (we are navigating our way thru this).

Then I haven’t been journaling as much and this is the one that has gotten to me a lot, but what has surprised me the most (maybe) is the fact that I’ve fallen in love with cooking and going the extra mile in preparing healthy and yummy meals for my husband and I (yes o, the fullness of my ‘foodie-ho0d’ is finding expression in my kitchen, Glory to Jesus!!!).

In summary, marriage will bring about changes in you and your spouse, how you prepare for and react to these is what matters.

9. You will not always cuddle in bed. So, I have had this idea that my husband and I will cuddle in bed as we sleep, you know, all those romantic things you watch in movies.

My dear friends, I am here to inform you that it hasn’t been so. Not that we don’t cuddle o, but from cuddling before sleep or sleeping at different times, you may end up on different ends of the bed in the morning. But what I do enjoy, is our morning cuddles when we wake up????.

10. I’ll love sleeping on a bed so much. This one is an inside joke for my sister, husband, and Doki. Before my wedding, I used to be a couch person. I loved my couch so much; it turned into my bed for months (or years sef), and in the months leading to my wedding, my sister and then fiance would threaten me that I mustn’t sleep on the couch again.

If he takes beautiful pictures of you, marry him Share on X

I promised to continue sleeping on the couch even after our wedding and indoctrinate my husband into it; well, I did indoctrinate him (clap for me please) but now, I enjoy sleeping on the bed a lot, probably more than my husband sef. My brethren, what God cannot do? And the church says – does not exist????. Hallelujah!!!

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Marriage is definitely sweet and I’m so happy to be married to an amazing man.

In a sequel post, I share with you the lessons we learned as we prepared for our wedding and marriage. You should read it also and share it with your friends who are married or planning their wedding.

Are you married? What were the things you experienced but were not expecting? Please share with me in the comment section, I’ll be looking out for it.

Till I come your way again, keep living and loving.

Love and Light,

Esthitude✨

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not beans*- means not a walk in the park or not easy.

Alaga** – people (especially women) who moderate/coordinate Yoruba traditional weddings.